get these hands
Ur about to get your ass beat
James: Ur ugly nigga
Nick: Bitch ur about to get these hands!
unring the bell
The unfortunate realization that any given time sensitive condition cannot be undone.
I so wish that I didn’t run over the kid while I was texting while driving. its just too late for that; can’t unring the bell.
Emergency walk
When you are at the breaking point of pissing or shitting your pants. You can’t run because that would shake it all out.
Who left the shitty underwear in the men’s room?
That guy doing the emergency walk a few minutes ago
Mabstinent
Abstaining from masturbation.
Guy: So do you like to play with yourself?
Girl: No, I’m mabstinent.
Notorious Fapper: I will try to be mabstinent because I’m ashamed of my nonstop wanking.
Find your silence
A request that somebody be quiet, stop talking, etc.
You’re driving me nuts. I am going to need you to find your silence.
verbal punches
To say things intended to hurt another.
I couldn’t stop myself from jumping on her, She was throwing verbal punches at me since I wAlked in the door last night until now, I couldn’t take anymore.
PFM
Pure fucking magic.
Person A: How the hell does a person sing in harmony with themselves?Person B: PFM.
Google University
A social media phenomenon where a commenter attempts to demonstrate knowledge obtained by searching on Google. This person has no legitimate degree from an accredited institution in said subject/topic, but will use unverified & inaccurate sources from websites searched on the search engine to prove their point on the topic being discussed.
After reading a ridiculous comment from someone that posted a link:
“Oh look, someone got their degree from Google University”.
Service the Account
A euphemism for masturbating, especially at work.
Hey Chris, it’s a slow day here at work. I need to find something to concentrate my efforts on. Maybe it’s a good day to service the account!
chipotle child
The massive shit taken after a meal at chipotle.
Dude, I almost passed a chipotle child in my car.
thug
As Tupac defined it, a thug is someone who is going through struggles, has gone through struggles, and continues to live day by day with nothing for them. That person is a thug. and the life they are living is the thug life. A thug is NOT a gangster. Look up gangster and gangsta. Not even CLOSE, my friend.
“That boy ain’t a gangsta, fo’sho’. Look at how he walks, he’s a thug. life. That’s the saddest face I’ve seen in all my life as a teen.”
refaptory period
Combination of “fapping” and “refractory period.” The refractory period is the recovery time during which it is physiologically impossible for a man to have another orgasm. The refaptory period, therefore, is the recovery time during which it is physiologically impossible for a man to have another orgasm by fapping.
Lowering one’s refaptory period can be a good hobby.
Mariachis Salvajes
When I was a boy, I was kidnapped by a band of marauding mariachis who dressed me in a silver-studded charro outfit and forced me to play the maracas.
bridesmaid wasted
The special kind of drunk you only get as a female member of a wedding party. The kind where you wake up the next day in a pretty dress, missing your shoes, smeared with someone else’s lipstick and unable to remember how you made it home after a wedding or stagette.
“Why do I feel so awful and whose panties are these?” “Dude, you got bridesmaid wasted.”
you got to be fist fucking me
When someone does something really stupid.
You got to be fist fucking me
Netflix Bipolar
When you can’t choose what to watch on Netflix so you keep switching from thing to thing
Last night I was being so Netflix bipolar I was watching saw,grease , and comic book men at the same time
one reply bitch
A one reply bitch is someone who replies with simple words like: “yeah, okay, cool, nice, alright, yep, whatever, nope,” etc
John: “My damn girlfriends mad, she keeps replying with okay”
Steve: “She seems like a big one reply bitch”
Thrift store swag
You never know what you’ll find at the thrift store – Look at this awesome dog statuette!
lackoass
adj., A person who has a limited posterior. One who cannot fill out a pair of jeans.
That there is a sad case of lackoass.
post fartum depression
The sense of let down after your cat, dog, or spouse does not recognize your fart with as much enthusiasm as you were feeling it deserved.
I was suffering from post fartum depression when Whiskers only lazily looked up and closed her eyes.