dbi
Don’t Bang It
Advising someone not to have sexual relations with a person or object
Person: That mouse-trap has been eyeing me up, I think it likes me…
Sane friend: Dbi
procaffenating
(n.) The tendency not to start anything until you’ve had a cup of coffee.
I am procaffenating with my project starts until I am shaking and twitching.
jeanjerking
The act of two individuals rubbing pelvic regions against each other in order to cause orgasm (implied while wearing denim trousers). Similar to dry-humping and “OTPHJ” (over-the-pants-hand-job).
It was casual Friday when I walked in the middle school bathroom only to find my history and Spanish teacher jeanjerking in the handicap stall. Good thing I didn’t come in a few minutes later to see the full-on OTPHJ.
napahoe
A piece of ass asleep in your bed.
I awoke hungover and feeling horny, when to my surprise I rolled over and brushed up against a sleeping napahoe I’d miraculously wrangled home.
stresshold
a stress threshold; the most stress that can be tolerated in a given situation
“Girl, I’ve gotta quit my job! My boss is always nagging me, and I’ve reached my stresshold!”
Stop and go
When you’re watching porn and you don’t wanna climax just yet, so you stop for a moment, and go again. Often is repeated multiple times.
I was watching a really hot video last night, so hot that I had to keep using the stop and go method!
snoozefeed
The act of browsing your newsfeed in lieu of getting out of bed
Noun: “I was checking my snooze feed because it was too cold to get out of bed, then my boss fired me via text”
Verb: “Anna likes snoozefeeding for 20 minutes when her alarm goes off at 6:45am every morning.”
Li-fi
When you see a free wi-fi connection, join the network but it makes you sign up to some bullshit or tries to charge you.
Hells yeah this place has free wifi…….
Nevermind, its just li-fi pretending to be free.
eddiction
An addiction to electronic devices such as laptops, smartphones, and tablets. Eddiction is characterized by the constant need to check your smartphone for the latest Facebook posts, Twitter updates, news, etc. People with eddiction prefer spending time browsing the Internet over social interaction.
Matt suffers from eddiction. He’s always updating his Twitter and posting instagram pics instead of chilling with me, the big brother he never had.
staturbated
To become sexually aroused by one score in a video game/sport/etc.
I just staturbated over that game of league we just had.
oreolization
The realization that oreos are still in your kitchen.
Quebec got oreolization while he was sitting at his computer.
Afterpoop
The smell that’s left inside a bathroom after someone else has taken a poop. This is an unpleasant smell (unless you like other people’s poop smells), and definitely not a smell you’d like to shower in.
Roommate #1: Did you just go poop in there?
Roommate #2: Yeah, man. Just had a huge cup of coffee and had to go!
Roommate #1: Alright, I’ll use the upstairs bathroom. I don’t want to shower in your afterpoop.
honeydude
like a sugar daddy. without the age gap.
Why have a sugar daddy when you can have a honeydude ? They last longer.
belly bomb
A food that hits your stomach long after you’ve eaten it, meaning you can eat way too much of it. Usually makes you very sluggish after.
Guy: Dude, you coming?
Guy 2: Nah… that hero was a belly bomb. Not gonna be moving for another few hours
fake it for the gram
When you fake a picture to get likes on Instagram
I saw a dope Ferrari so I took a picture and had to fake it for the gram.
Paragraph texter
Someone who types long responses to a text
“Wow, Hannah just sent me a really long responce. She’s a paragraph texter”
IMAX and climax
Netflix and chill, but to the next level. It means you are going to climax with your partner while an IMAX is playing in the background. It’s for adults and risk takers, while Netflix and chill is simply for children.
Person 1: “Hey, wanna come back to my place and watch Netflix and chill?”
Person 2: “Nah, I prefer to IMAX and climax. It insures optimum pleasure.”
handcestors
HANDCESTORS, all the ancestors never to be born due to male masturbation.
I wiped those handcestors off on a dirty sock.
boyfriend credit
When a boyfriend or a husband does something nice for their girlfriend/wife, this gives them an opportunity to do something fun without fear of nagging.
Friend-“Hey man, are you sure it’s cool with your girlfriend that you’re out here fishing on a Sunday afternoon while she’s at her aunt’s birthday party?”
Me-“Yeah it’s cool. I bought her flowers the other day so I’ve got boyfriend credit.”