lady snores
When a lady dozes off and begins to snore so faintly it’s almost difficult to know she’s even sleeping.
John’s Ho fell asleep on the couch again, but I don’t mind because her lady snores are so soft.
a Baker’s Shit ton
When there is way more than a Baker’s dozen, a shit ton, “A Baker’s Shit Ton”.
Dude A: “Yo, we need a Shit Ton of donuts for this morning’s wake and bake!”
Dude B: “Like a Baker’s Dozen?”
Dude A: “Yes, only more like a Baker’s Shit Ton!”
Dude B: “I get it brah, bitches gonna smile like donuts.”
typo virus
Malware obtained by incorrectly typing a web URL in the browser or accidentally clicking on the wrong link in search results
I totally mistyped the YouTube address in my browser yesterday . Now I have to take my laptop to the Geek Squad to get the …
thotcrime
an instance of controversial or forbidden thot-like behavior, i.e. acting as outlandishly promiscuous or slutty as humanly possible
That hoe over there was engaged in so many sexual acts with various men that when her friend found out, she told her…
friendly fade
A passive-aggressive method to ‘break up’ with a friend without being hurtful. Similar to ghosting, this method is NOT an abrupt process and can apply to just about anyone. Care should be taken when choosing this strategy:
• Take longer and longer intervals to return phone calls, text messages, etc.. and avoid making commitments. For ex: take a week to return a voicemail or a few days for a text. As the weeks go by, the lag between all communications gradually increases.
• Never answer the phone if you see that person’s number on your caller ID. Wait at least a week to return the message (unless it’s an emergency), preferably via text.
• Avoid face-to-face meetings (like coffee or lunch) and make excuses to skip activities you both enjoyed previously (like going to the movies).
The goal is to gently un-friend that person at a kind and gingerly pace. It can be a very effective method for those averse to conflict or part of tightly knit groups. Over time, your feelings may change, and you may want to rekindle the friendship. With this method, you haven’t burned all your bridges.
After years of being told by her best friend that she needed to lose weight, Lizzie decided to do the friendly fade. She started by avoiding her phone calls, not replying right away to her texts, and making her invisible on her Facebook timeline.
post porn depression
That moment after you finished watching some sick, fucked-up, porno and your just sitting there thinking “What the hell is wrong with me?” While you ponder life and shit.
Dude, I just watched some bondage beastiality orgy porn video last night and I immediately had post porn depression.
arm cardio
Masturbation
Since his girlfriend broke up with him, he’s really been getting in a lot of arm cardio.
opooportunity
When one who has to defecate has an opportunity to relieve themselves after waiting for a period of time.
Brad had to shit for an hour but because he was at his girlfriend’s parent’s anniversary party, he couldn’t find the right opooportunity until the old folks retired for the evening, then he let the floodgates open.
snakemeal
One extremely large meal consumed in a day as opposed to the standard three.
“I generally don’t wake up hungry, but when I do get around to eating it ends up becoming a snakemeal.”
swamp ass
Some one who does not wipe there ass or has not tooken a shower recently and stinks like shit
My cousin lenny smells like swamp ass after playing battlefield for 5 hours straight.
Electric Hammer
When you touch someone or something with your erect penis and it releases static electricity.
I accidentally gave my spouse the electric hammer and now I can only pleasure them after rubbing my stocking feet against a carpeted floor.
boytrapped
(adj.) Describes the sensation of realizing that there are too many boys around.
Jess: Why did you run out onto the porch?
Michele: I couldn’t take it in there. I was boytrapped.
five second rule of texting
The rule stating a DOUBLE TEXT is ok AS LONG AS the second text message is sent within 5 seconds of the first.
I double texted Shelly, but it was ok cuz I used the Five Second Rule of Texting.
On your knees
To get down on your knees and suck his cock! Or dick, penis, or whatever.
Get on your knees. bitch!
Rubik’s Cube-A-Thon
Someone surprised me recently by telling me I had a great imagination when I made up my bio, especially that lie about the Rubik’s cube. Really? Why would someone make up make up nerdy crap like that? I do write fiction, but that wasn’t it. I know, pics or it didn’t happen. Here’s the video…
asshole baby
When you become pregnant from having anal sex the baby is called an “asshole baby”
We didn’t have condoms and thought anal would be safer, little Johnny is an asshole baby!
email fluff
Stroking another one’s ego to make yourself noticed by higher ranks in group email
That guy is email fluffing his way to a promotion
kicking dicks
Doing nothing.
Not doing anything useful.
This Iryna was just kicking dicks all day long instead of working.
bootygasm
a climax of sexual excitement, characterized by feelings of pleasure and euphoria as a result of stimulation to the prostate.
Yeh, bro, my girl loves pegging me until I have multiple bootygasms!
AM radio and chill
A primitive version of “Netflix and chill”, which older generations did and what some hipsters still do.
little kid: “Grandpa, where did I come from?”
Grandpa: “Well kid you’re grandma and I made whoopee in the back of a station-wagon to the sound of sweet static that was part of AM radio and chill, which led to your daddy, which led to you!”
Guy: “Hey we could Netflix and chill”
Hipster girl: “I’m more of an AM radio and chill kind of person”
Guy: “If you say so, Daisy Buchanan…”
AM radio and chill
A primitive version of “Netflix and chill”, which older generations did and what some hipsters still do.
little kid: “Grandpa, where did I come from?”
Grandpa: “Well kid you’re grandma and I made whoopee in the back of a station-wagon to the sound of sweet static that was part of AM radio and chill, which led to your daddy, which led to you!”
Guy: “Hey we could Netflix and chill”
Hipster girl: “I’m more of an AM radio and chill kind of person”
Guy: “If you say so, Daisy Buchanan…”