Fresh Air Break

A way to say “ciggarette break” without your boss knowing that you’re going to have a smoke. Especially useful in non-smoking environments. The term “fresh air” can also be used to mean “ciggarette” but is not typically necessary and doesn’t sound right in most contexts.


Employee 1: I’m going out for a fresh air break

Boss: Ok, just be back in 15

Employee 2: (whisper) He doesn’t know you mean you’re going for a smoke?

Employee 1: (whisper) No! That’s the point!

Half-Day Tony

A person who starts a new job and quits after only half a day. Typically goes to lunch, never to return.


“Where’s the new guy? Didn’t he go to lunch… like 2 hours ago?”

“Uh ohh, he’s not coming back is he? Don’t tell me another one’s done a half-day Tony?”

“Fuck.”

a Baker’s Shit ton

When there is way more than a Baker’s dozen, a shit ton, “A Baker’s Shit Ton”.


Dude A: “Yo, we need a Shit Ton of donuts for this morning’s wake and bake!”

Dude B: “Like a Baker’s Dozen?”

Dude A: “Yes, only more like a Baker’s Shit Ton!”

Dude B: “I get it brah, bitches gonna smile like donuts.”

friendly fade

A passive-aggressive method to ‘break up’ with a friend without being hurtful. Similar to ghosting, this method is NOT an abrupt process and can apply to just about anyone. Care should be taken when choosing this strategy:

• Take longer and longer intervals to return phone calls, text messages, etc.. and avoid making commitments. For ex: take a week to return a voicemail or a few days for a text. As the weeks go by, the lag between all communications gradually increases.

• Never answer the phone if you see that person’s number on your caller ID. Wait at least a week to return the message (unless it’s an emergency), preferably via text.

• Avoid face-to-face meetings (like coffee or lunch) and make excuses to skip activities you both enjoyed previously (like going to the movies).

The goal is to gently un-friend that person at a kind and gingerly pace. It can be a very effective method for those averse to conflict or part of tightly knit groups. Over time, your feelings may change, and you may want to rekindle the friendship. With this method, you haven’t burned all your bridges.


After years of being told by her best friend that she needed to lose weight, Lizzie decided to do the friendly fade. She started by avoiding her phone calls, not replying right away to her texts, and making her invisible on her Facebook timeline.

opooportunity

When one who has to defecate has an opportunity to relieve themselves after waiting for a period of time.


Brad had to shit for an hour but because he was at his girlfriend’s parent’s anniversary party, he couldn’t find the right opooportunity until the old folks retired for the evening, then he let the floodgates open.