you got to be fist fucking me
When someone does something really stupid.
You got to be fist fucking me
Netflix Bipolar
When you can’t choose what to watch on Netflix so you keep switching from thing to thing
Last night I was being so Netflix bipolar I was watching saw,grease , and comic book men at the same time
one reply bitch
A one reply bitch is someone who replies with simple words like: “yeah, okay, cool, nice, alright, yep, whatever, nope,” etc
John: “My damn girlfriends mad, she keeps replying with okay”
Steve: “She seems like a big one reply bitch”
Thrift store swag
You never know what you’ll find at the thrift store – Look at this awesome dog statuette!
lackoass
adj., A person who has a limited posterior. One who cannot fill out a pair of jeans.
That there is a sad case of lackoass.
post fartum depression
The sense of let down after your cat, dog, or spouse does not recognize your fart with as much enthusiasm as you were feeling it deserved.
I was suffering from post fartum depression when Whiskers only lazily looked up and closed her eyes.
Pray punt
To offer prayer as a concrete solution to a problem. To, literally, run the issue “up the ladder” and wait for God to figure it out, thereby relieving you of taking any real action.
I asked the director off my daughter’s school if we could switch teachers. She smiled and told me she would pray about it. She totally pray punted the issue.
you already know
The correct response to the question “what it is”.
Man 1: Yo, what it is!
Man 2: You already know.
Sansplants
A lack of breast implants. Real boobs. Titties with no silicone or saline.
I swear I am the only chick in this entire gym with sansplants. Whatever. I’m rolling with it.
Office Hit List
A list of people with whom you work and whom you would also like to murder. But you never would because you’re not a murderer so it’s an “office hit list” instead of just a regular hit list.
By the end of the week I had so many people on my office hit list that the entire company would be dead if I were actually a murderer. Good thing I’m not.
Primary colors: Red
Red is associated with danger and negativity, but also with heat and excitement. This is why stop signs and stop lights are red, as well as sports cars and fire alarms.
say wussup
The act of attempting to court a shortie with the desire to acquire booty.
Joe: That girl over there is a bomb ass shortie, be my wing man when I go say wussup to her later.
Halloween
Halloween was a bit too real, as someone dead set on decorating used spectres to make a spectacle of the yard. Corpses rose from coffins among the tombstones, skeletons scaled the widow’s walk.
Instagram Prime Time
from 5 to 8 PM
the time of day during which Instagram will be the most active; for example the Instagram feed will be quickly updated and Instagram pictures will receive more instantaneous likes.
person 1: I’m thinking of posting this picture on Instagram.
person 2: Don’t post it now, it’s not Instagram Prime Time yet.
as my hearing
fonder now of instrumental music…
JFK: now that you’re covered up
Was it like that?…
Barithmetic
The math a younger girl does when she meets an older guy in a bar, where she finds how old she was when you were her age.
I’m too old to meet women in bars anymore, I don’t need there barithmetic, making me feel older than I am!
Driver’s License Weight
The weight a person reports on his or her driver’s license which is anywhere between 5 and 20 lbs. less than the person’s actual weight.
“I’m cutting out carbs so that I can get down to my Driver’s License Weight.”
Hello Cthuhlu
In response to all the lame brands of casual wear, Hello Cthulhu has risen!
Where they do that at
A more ghetto way of “Who does that?” when in a moment of surprise at someones actions
“Did that dude just pick his nose!?”
“Where they do that at!?”