Hallowedding
The Contessa Margerita Martina (Margaret Craig) and Baron Krallenhand von Blutsauger (Michael Allen Lane) were married October 29, 2016.
coffee nap
A nap taken after someone has consumed any amount of caffeine (i.e. coffee) resulting not in sleep, but blissful rest, while still mildly conscious.
Evelyn: Hey Kaitlyn, how was your coffee nap?
Kaitlyn: It was fantastic I listened to the whole …
ghost post
A comment on a Facebook item (e.g. status, note, etc) that was removed by the author due to A) misspelling, B) stupid remark, C) awkward input, or D) other.
The result is typically confusion and several wasted minutes on the part of the one who was commented on or anyone who posted previously.
Facebook: XYZ commented on your note.
Me: …where’s the comment? Jeez, way to ghost post, XYZ.
ghost post
A comment on a Facebook item (e.g. status, note, etc) that was removed by the author due to A) misspelling, B) stupid remark, C) awkward input, or D) other.
The result is typically confusion and several wasted minutes on the part of the one who was commented on or anyone who posted previously.
Facebook: XYZ commented on your note.
Me: …where’s the comment? Jeez, way to ghost post, XYZ.
Do it for the vine!
when you want someone to do something, take your phone and say “do it for the vine” while recording him, then he’ll do it because of the “social” pressure.
rebecca: “hey dude, someone told me you know how to wiggle wiggle like anyone else”
mike: “are you kidding? there is no way
rebecca: “do it”
mike: “no”
rebecca: “do it! do it! Do it for the vine!”
mike wiggleing… 😉
Cinematard
One who is completely lacking movie knowledge.
Heather – “Hey Greta, wanna see that new Tom Hanks movie, Mission Difficult II?
Greta – “Um you mean the new Tom CRUISE movie, Mission Impossible III? Girl, you are a real cinematard!”
If you will
1. An phrase overused by those trying to sound sophisticated and/or intelligent.
2. A phrase used frequently by Tobias Bluth from Arrested Development.
Tobias: You could say I’m, if you will, ‘buy curious’
Man: I can “sprinkle the pudding” if you will.
precrestination
To thoroughly clean one’s teeth before visiting the dentist for a teeth cleaning.
I ate a bag of Oreo’s and then committed precrestination before going to my dentist appointment.
note to self
1. an exclamation used when you want to punctuate/emphasize an obvious or insulting quip or action
2. an exclamation highlighting something you did not know until then
3. a personal reminder
1. “note to self: Jarod is an idiot”
2. “note to self: don’t put wooden objects in the dishwasher”
3. “note to self: pay rent”
four-wheeling
When your head bobs around when you about to fall asleep when sitting upright. It is given this name because it looks like you’re driving offroad.
The security guard was fired for four-wheeling at his post.
Vulture Capitalist
A businessman who is looking to buy companies at giveaway prices, as opposed to venture capitalists.
“It’s well known that the business is having major problems paying its bills, so I guess it won’t be long before the vulture capitalists start circling.”
mom-com
Romantic comedy or romcom specifically geared toward moms. Most mere mortals will not understand momcoms without a mom to translate the comedy for them. Momcommers will say things such as, “You wouldn’t get it, you’re not a mom” or “I guess I just really got the comedy because I am a mom”
Shirley went to the theater with her PTA friends to see Adam Sandlers new mom-com.
maintenance strokes
What a man does to maintain his erection, usually while waiting for more porn to load or doing something else.
I was doing maintenance strokes with porn running in the background while browsing 4chan.
accountabilabuddy
A friend, maybe a best friend, who you get into trouble with and who is somewhat responsible for your actions.
Dude, Kyle is totally my accountabilabuddy. Good lookin out Kyle.
“Wake Me Up Inside” syndrome
The process by which a song’s title is inferred through the lyrics, even though the actual title of the song is different.
Named after the song “Bring Me To Life” by Evanescence, which many nimrods erroneously believe to be called “Wake Me Up Inside.” However, this phenomenon is not limited to this song only.
Person A: My favorite song is “Wake Me Up Inside” by Evanescence!
Person B: I believe the song is called “Bring Me To Life”
Person A: Shut the fuck up!
Person B: Just another case of “Wake Me Up Inside” syndrome…
T-Rex sex
T-Rex sex is a loud, passionate and savage encounter.
The couple in the room above, had prolonged T-Rex sex, which broke the bed and brought security!
Scrollaxing
Verb: To scroll through all of your personal email and social media on your couch or bean bag at the end of a hard day. You find this to be an effective way to decompress or chill.
I’ll be scrollaxing until 7:00, but I’ll meet you at the bar at 7:30.
“What are your plans for tonight bro?” “It’s really cold outide so I think I’m just going to stay in and do some scrollaxing on my iPad.”
robocall
A prerecorded call that is sent to hundreds or thousands of telephone numbers. An automatic dialing computer goes through a targeted list of phone numbers.
Or: an individual call received.
political consultant says… We need to record a celebrity…
Birther
A conspiracy theorist who believes that Barack Obama is ineligible for the Presidency of the United States, based on any number of claims related to his place of birth, birth certificate, favorite birthday, or whether or not he has heard the song Africa by Toto.
“Did you know that Barack Obama’s parents concealed the location of his birth because they knew he would grow up to be President? What? Of course it makes sense, I’m a birther!”