pornament
noun: a pornographic Christmas ornament.
Somehow, Rodney’s Christmas tree, decked out in garish purple lights and Mrs. Santa pornaments, failed to convey the solemnity and dignity of this holiest of days.
Shamecation
A form of punishment wherein an employee fucks up beyond the reprimand of a warning and is put on a disciplinary leave of absence with or without pay.
“Where’s Jimmy this week?” “Oh he opened the store 2 hours late so boss put him on a Shamecation.”
Corn Art
A euphemistic reference to taking a massive dump. Typically the corn filled variety. But eloquently expresses any act of defecation.
Well I hope everyone enjoyed that Thanksgiving meal. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for me to work on my corn art. I’ve got a masterpiece on the way.
mistext
A text message containing information (usually unflattering or damaging) about a third party which is sent to the individual it concerns rather than the person for whom the communication is intended.
Text written for secret lover is inadvertently sent to partner, making it a mistext:
“On my way home, partner name suspicious, don’t call.”
hippie christmas
the morning after hippies or member of the 60’s counter culture have made tie dyed t shirts, candles, or prayer flags
Our neighbors were sharing another hippie christmas on their drive way with 20 of their closest friends unwrapping tie dyed tshirts and prayer flags to dry in the sun.
Tooth sweater
When you go for a day or so without brushing your teeth, and the texture in your mouth feels like your teeth are wearing fuzzy little sweaters.
“Does anyone have gum? I forgot to brush my teeth this morning, and it feels disgusting.”
“Oh, you’ve got tooth sweaters?”
peasantvision
Television channels you get without a cable or satellite TV subscription.
I can’t afford digital cable, but I still get some good shows with the rabbit ears on peasantvision.
porch dog
A person who frequently attacks others in speech or writing, but who poses no intellectual threat whatsoever. The motivation of this type of person can usually be accurately construed as a desire to be obnoxious and offensive.
Origin: The phrase “porch dog” is used to refer to dogs that sit on front porches and bark (vigorously and fruitlessly) at passersby, but who pose no physical threat.
Yeah, that guy has a scathing response to just about everyone who posts in this forum. He’s a real porch dog.
Mitt Romney Money
One that has money beyond that of a normal baller yet pays less taxes than a street pharmaceutical rep or an illegal immigrant.
Look dat new lex he be drivin. He must got dat Mitt Romney Money.
Gift Card Millionaire
A person who holds a significant amount of money tied up in Gift Cards, Store Credit, Groupons and other forms of vouchers.
Financial Advisor: Do you know your networth?
Gift Card Millionaire: Do you include Gift Cards? Because that would significa…
Dicks out for Harambe
The act of pulling your dick out of your pants as a sign of respect for our nigga Harambe
Show some respect you insensitive fuck; dicks out for Harambe.
Jesus Jeans
ripped or “holy” jeans. They’re so holy, they’re jesus jeans!
Dude! LOOK AT MY NEW JESUS JEANS!
low pro po
Undercover police officers. (low profile police)
“those low pro po’s swear we cant spot them in crown vics with no plates and a searchlight.”
hate us cause they anus
A way of saying the phrase, “Hate us cause they ain’t us” with a little more elegance.
Webster: “Boy I’ll tell ya Garth, them jocks are always ragging on us for our programming skills.”
Garth: “Hate us cause they anus!”
Middle-distance relationship
A middle-distance relationship, or “MDR”, is when two people find themselves living with *JUST* enough distance between them that they can’t see each other as often as they’d like — shorter than the distance between Taylor Swift and Adele’s vocal ranges but longer than the time it takes to master the catchy lyrics to Tay Tay’s latest chart-topper. Commonly used for a relationship with a significant other, friend, or friend’s pet that lives more than 30 minutes, one bridge or a very large hill away.
Person 1: How often do you see your BFF?
Person 2: Um, like once a month TOPS. She lives all the way in Oakland.
Person 1: Ew. I hate crossing the bridge.
Person 2: I know, but I love her. She makes having a middle-distance relationship totes worth
Fever Texting
A panicky, flirtatious text thread usually leading to sexting. Commonly typed in a nervous fashion out of fear of getting caught.
Look at Jimmy over there fever texting with his side chick.
Full smash
a massive night out with the lads with no defined finishing time, unlimited larger consumption and scant regard for any tasks or responsibilities that need to be adhered to the next day. Generally the premise of the out of town worker
-you out on Thursday?
-too right, full smash!
-but what about all that cable we’ve got to install on Friday?
-i couldn’t give a f**k!