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“You can’t just keep him one more day if for some reason I can’t get a cat carrier or get away for an hour to take him? I’m putting out a lot of effort here.” Right. But you want to. I just want you and the cat to get lost, and the cat’s better at it than you. And it’s not like you’ll let him in your apartment.

“Look. He screams and he shits all over the place. I can’t have that. I’m leaving at nine. If you’re not here by then, look for him outside.”

“But what if while he’s at the vet he learns to use a litter box? They have them right in the cages and I’ll bet he’ll go in the box rather than on him-self or near his food. He has to be boarded a few days anyway. What do you think!” She really isn’t asking, so he doesn’t tell her that he thinks the cat can hold out, not shit until he’s out. Save it up for the reunion.

“I won’t take the cat.”

“Well he needs somewhere until he’s placed.”

“Leave him outside. He’s obviously not go-ing anywhere.”

“But it’s almost Halloween and he’s all white. You know what some people do on Hallow-een to all black cats. They do it to all white cats too. He’s just not safe.” Right, it’s September and Satan’s catnappers are canvassing the apartment complexes for sacrifices. He’s much safer with us. We only want to cut his balls off.

“That would solve the problem,” he says. Her face falls. She’s obviously disturbed by the comment. The cat is sleeping on the floor. He is sprawled out on his back smiling.

“Oh look at him!” she says. “He’s such a beautiful cat. A man’s cat. He really belongs to a man.”

He’s filthy, no doubt a man’s cat, but not this man’s cat.

“It can take a few days to place a cat,” she tells him. “I’m very meticulous. I ask a lot of ques-tions. Some people are put off by it. I figure if they don’t have the patience to answer a few questions, they probably won’t take care of an animal. Pets require patience, especially new ones.” She pauses to look at Alex.

“I even make them show me the environ-ment. I have to see the house. I walk all the way through and poke around, just to be sure. One lady refused to tell me where she lived. She said she wanted the cat, but when I told her I needed to see the house, she refused to give me her address.”

Yeah. She probably didn’t want you in her house. A lot of people object to the insane visiting their homes.